I Am Not Here for a Show

Someone posted on my facebook wall after seeing my shared photo from a pastor about the filipino movies that needs to stop. He said to me "OA na ang pagka-born again christian mo" "nakatapak ka pa ba sa lupa?" "perfect ka na rin?" "Nakakatawa na nga ang mga status mo, nawawala ka na sa reality" etc.

I honestly got hurt after reading that, maybe because that someone is also a christian. He is from the church I used to attend to before I attended victory. I messaged him privately and told him that I respect his opinion.  He then unfriended me on his facebook this morning. Sayang he is someone I am looking up to because he is one of the well known writer in the Philippines. He is also a family friend kaya medyo masakit ang pag block niya sa akin sa facebook.

Para sa akin okay lang masabihan na OA ang pagka christian ko, kesa naman walang makahalata na christian ako. I am not acting or pretending to be a christian. I pursue to live by his word, I am not here for a show. Kung nakita man niya na nagbago ako it's because of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). Mahirap din naman na ipagsabi ko na christian ako pero walang pagbabagong nakikita sa akin. Kung ganun at ganun pa rin ang ginagawa ko, kung maka mundo pa rin bale wala ang pagiging christian ko. Bale wala tong mga pinag sasabi ko sa blog na ito.

I am not perfect, nag kakasala pa din naman ako. I know all of us are struggling to overcome temptations. We can easily be tempted to engage into sin because we are humans. But that is not what the Lord's want. Matindi pa nga ang sinabi ni Jesus sabi niya in Matthew 5:48 " Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect." Mahirap hirap yan pero iba ang kayang gawin ni Lord eh.

Sabi nga ng pastor na nakausap ko "Kung babad ka sa salita ng Diyos, hindi ka basta basta matutukso at mahuhulog sa kasalanan." Nararanasan ko yun, nagiging victorious ako sa kasalanan na kina adikan ko. I praise God for that na napag tatagumpayan kong huwag mahulog ng paulit-ulit sa kasalanan. Mas greater joy ang nakukuha ko pag alam kong victorious ako.

Kung marami kang time kay God mawawalan ka na ng time sa mundo. Kaya kung sinasabi niya na nawawala na ako sa reality, hindi ko alam, pero baka siguro nga, kase hindi naman ganto ang lifestyle ko dati. Dati I do whatever I want to do, kahit kasalanan pa yan for the sake of pleasure. Pero ngayon hindi, meron na ata akong tinatawag na conviction. Parang hindi ko na kaya gawin ang mga kasalanan na iyon dahil nakakahiya kay Lord.

You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. - Matthew 10:22

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. - Matthew 6:24

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. -
1 John 2:15

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. - John 15:19

                                              I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER JESUS! 

                                          KAHIT ITAKWIL MAN AKO NG MUNDO.

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Patience

Somebody from The Voice Ph said something like this "People from the Philippines thought that life in America is easy, but they didn't know that life there is so hard and you have lot of things that you need to overcome."

True enough! My Tita won't even let me wash the dishes back in the Philippines. Here if you're not working yet, you have to do all the household chores like cooking, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cutting the grass, etc,, as in you have to do everything by yourself. Unless you have thousands of dollars to spend to hire for a helper but you don't wanna do that. Di uso ang katulong dito ah! But my thought in his statement "It doesn't matter where you are, it's about your choice. Pwede mong padaliin at pahirapin ang buhay mo kahit saan ka man ilagay."

I feel right now that my patience is being put on a test. Sabi nga ni Angelica "Ang pera natin hindi basta basta nauubos pero ang pasensiya ko konting konti na lang!" Ako yata parehas nauubos na. Haha! At nung nag pasabog ata ang Diyos ng patience, natutulog ako o nasa banyo kaya di ako masiyadong nakasalo, pero Lord please mag pa door to door naman kayo ng patience dito. Salamat Jesus. I lab you po!

There are times right now that I become weak, there are trials & problems yes I know it's normal but right now it was just this hard. Like what I said feels like my patience is being tested, which I think I'm doing good and I'm handling it very well but sometimes I think I will be better if I have a rebreather attached on. I don't really want to share my problems in details cause it's too personal. But this night I was reminded by this scripture in the Bible from Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." 

Ahhhrrrggghhhh! Yun oh sarap Lord! Just by your word nagkakaroon ako ng lakas ng loob at magkaroon ng patience. Whew. Astig ka talaga at ang mga salita mo!

I'm Sorry Dad.

For those people who knew me before I got saved by the grace of God, you guys knew how I hated my dad, part of it is because I am young and not yet matured by that time. During my teenage years I have this feeling that my Dad isn't a great father & he always control me in everything I do. It always been like moving around acting like you were remotely controlled by some higher being. He always ask me to do this, do that, I want you to be this and to be that. Yes, I have the benefit of living by myself, and yes I have the freedom to do anything I want, BUT I have to do within. . What he want me to do and what he want me to be. 

I guess that is all I see. On my teenage years my relationship with my dad grew worse. The relationship was so unfavorable. Have you ever experienced your dad and you being not in the level of your relationship as father and son? Tipong hindi ko na talaga siya kinakausap. Para kaseng sobrang perfectionist, no matter how obviously he gets wrong or commits mistakes he'll never accept or admit it. So if I'm thinking of correcting him with some things, I'd rather be silent because for sure it will end up me being on the wrong side.

I remember when I was young, when all of our family members used to live in one roof. That early morning my dad would wake me up to eat breakfast and he would fix me with a glass of milk which by the way I would cry in front of him cause I really hate the taste of pure milk and drinking that one big glass is just one perfect punishment for me. There are also times when I have to drink one big glass of carrot juice, which I don't really like and that every time I'm done with it I would go inside the bathroom and throw up because it really feels icky. He does that for me to drink milk cause he knows I don't drink milk when he is not around. Well he thinks I might be immune of it someday. Which i did a bit. I do like milk i mean it depends its like I go with the taste that suits me.

I've read a scripture in the Bible that says "  “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good,your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! -Matthew 6:22 -23

In this Bible verse I learned to see and focus on what is good on a person. Here Jesus describes the eye as a lamp which lights the entire body. Our eyes are the entrance to our hearts and minds. Good eyes not only means to see well, but also perceive well. It is not only what we see, but how we perceive what we see that makes the difference between good & bad. Bad eyes lead to bad perception and will also make your life miserable, kung laging pangit lang ang tinitingnan mo sa isang tao, you will never appreciate what is good on a person. Makita mo pala ang taong yun nawawalan ka na ng gana.

That's what happened to me, I focused too much on his mistakes & failures. I never looked on how he managed to provide our needs. Masiyadong naging theme song ng buhay ko ang "Perfect" ng Simple Plan, nakalimutan ko na sobrang buti at bait pala ng Daddy ko. If I could only go back to the time when I refused to talk to him every time he wanted to talk to me, at hindi ko siya pinapansin pag alis at pag uwi ko ng bahay (I realized how painful it was and I'm really sorry), I will go back and I will erase all the bad memories at papalitan ko ng magagandang bagay lahat.

Diyahe man to say this but "Dad you're the best dad in the whole wide world." Kapakanan lang namin lagi ang iniisip mo. I'm sorry for all the pains I gave you, I am the absolute imperfect son. I realized the reason why you treated me like that during my childhood and teenage years, and that is because you want me to be a better person, and I think not only to be better but to be the best. If you didn't insisted that I have to drink that one big glass of milk every morning and that one big glass of carrot juice in the afternoon, baka malabo na ang mata ko, bali bali na ang buto ko, mahina ang utak ko at hindi ako tumangkad ng ganito. You are the best Dad! You did that because of love. I might not know all the pains you went through to make us what we are. But, what I know now is that I love you, I'm proud of you and I will take care of you until forever.

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

I am Weak.

Minsan iniisip natin na kaya nating gawin ang lahat ng bagay. Lalo na kapag nag papasikat ka sa isang tao. Halimbawa sa minamahal, sa crush o sa kinaiinisan mo. Kala mo parang ikaw si Superman na kayang lumipad ng naka brief  sa himpapawid.

Ganyan tayong mga tao. Gusto natin tayo lagi ang ang highest sa lahat ng exam, ang pinakamagaling sa trabaho, yung number 1 number 1, yung tayo lang dapat ang magaling, ang sikat, ang superhero. Nagmamagaling tayo masiyado, hindi natin kayang aminin ang ating kahinaan.

Kaya napahanga nga ako sa kanta ni Yeng Constantino na "Messiah". May lyrics doon na sinasabi na,
"Sasagipin kita
Kung kaya ko lang sana
Pero di ako Messiah!
Pero di ako Messiah!"

Accidentally na transfer yang kanta sa Ipod ko so bale ngayon na LSS na ako (pakinggan niyo rin). Anyhow inihaw, humanga lang ako kase sa kantang yan sinasabi niya na hindi siya Messiah (Savior), ibig sabihin hindi niya kaya gawin ang lahat ng bagay. Gusto man niyang may gawin para sa isang tao pero hindi niya kaya. Edi kung kaya niya lang sana si Yeng na lang yung pinako sa krus para ma save yung mga gusto niyang isave. Meron someone bigger na kayang gumawa ng bagay na iyon para sa ikaliligtas ng tao.

Minsan maganda rin na aminin natin ang ating mga kahinaan. Hindi naman tayo laging malakas. Masarap sa pakiramdam na aminin sa Diyos na mahina tayo at kailangan natin siya para maging malakas tayo. Paano nga naman tayo tutulungan ni Jesus kung di naman natin hinihingi ang tulong niya at pilit nating pinapaniwala ang sarili natin na kaya natin gawin ang lahat ng bagay ng wala siya?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Kaya brad kung tingin mo eh malakas ka at di mo na kailangan ng Messiah. Ang masasabi ko lang eh mahina ka dahil hindi mo kaya aminin ang kahinaan mo. JESUS is ASTIG because of Him I can do all things (not this thing but ALL things) kase He gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). At iba ang strength na nanggagaling kay JESUS. Hindi strength na pang sports lang, pampamilya pa (ting!)