Sunday, June 16, 2013

I'm Sorry Dad.

For those people who knew me before I got saved by the grace of God, you guys knew how I hated my dad, part of it is because I am young and not yet matured by that time. During my teenage years I have this feeling that my Dad isn't a great father & he always control me in everything I do. It always been like moving around acting like you were remotely controlled by some higher being. He always ask me to do this, do that, I want you to be this and to be that. Yes, I have the benefit of living by myself, and yes I have the freedom to do anything I want, BUT I have to do within. . What he want me to do and what he want me to be. 

I guess that is all I see. On my teenage years my relationship with my dad grew worse. The relationship was so unfavorable. Have you ever experienced your dad and you being not in the level of your relationship as father and son? Tipong hindi ko na talaga siya kinakausap. Para kaseng sobrang perfectionist, no matter how obviously he gets wrong or commits mistakes he'll never accept or admit it. So if I'm thinking of correcting him with some things, I'd rather be silent because for sure it will end up me being on the wrong side.

I remember when I was young, when all of our family members used to live in one roof. That early morning my dad would wake me up to eat breakfast and he would fix me with a glass of milk which by the way I would cry in front of him cause I really hate the taste of pure milk and drinking that one big glass is just one perfect punishment for me. There are also times when I have to drink one big glass of carrot juice, which I don't really like and that every time I'm done with it I would go inside the bathroom and throw up because it really feels icky. He does that for me to drink milk cause he knows I don't drink milk when he is not around. Well he thinks I might be immune of it someday. Which i did a bit. I do like milk i mean it depends its like I go with the taste that suits me.

I've read a scripture in the Bible that says "  “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good,your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! -Matthew 6:22 -23

In this Bible verse I learned to see and focus on what is good on a person. Here Jesus describes the eye as a lamp which lights the entire body. Our eyes are the entrance to our hearts and minds. Good eyes not only means to see well, but also perceive well. It is not only what we see, but how we perceive what we see that makes the difference between good & bad. Bad eyes lead to bad perception and will also make your life miserable, kung laging pangit lang ang tinitingnan mo sa isang tao, you will never appreciate what is good on a person. Makita mo pala ang taong yun nawawalan ka na ng gana.

That's what happened to me, I focused too much on his mistakes & failures. I never looked on how he managed to provide our needs. Masiyadong naging theme song ng buhay ko ang "Perfect" ng Simple Plan, nakalimutan ko na sobrang buti at bait pala ng Daddy ko. If I could only go back to the time when I refused to talk to him every time he wanted to talk to me, at hindi ko siya pinapansin pag alis at pag uwi ko ng bahay (I realized how painful it was and I'm really sorry), I will go back and I will erase all the bad memories at papalitan ko ng magagandang bagay lahat.

Diyahe man to say this but "Dad you're the best dad in the whole wide world." Kapakanan lang namin lagi ang iniisip mo. I'm sorry for all the pains I gave you, I am the absolute imperfect son. I realized the reason why you treated me like that during my childhood and teenage years, and that is because you want me to be a better person, and I think not only to be better but to be the best. If you didn't insisted that I have to drink that one big glass of milk every morning and that one big glass of carrot juice in the afternoon, baka malabo na ang mata ko, bali bali na ang buto ko, mahina ang utak ko at hindi ako tumangkad ng ganito. You are the best Dad! You did that because of love. I might not know all the pains you went through to make us what we are. But, what I know now is that I love you, I'm proud of you and I will take care of you until forever.

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

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